As far as my health goes, according to Dr. Shah at MD Anderson, my last bloodwork showed everything is “stable.” All I could do was look at him & say, “Well, at least something about me is stable.” So…there you go. I have medical proof that I’m stable! :)
As far as how I’m doing
otherwise, over the last few weeks, God has been convicting me about being
thankful…in everything. Everything,
Lord? Everything?!?! Hmmmmmm…I don’t know, Lord. So I kind of pushed it to the side.
Recently, I had one
of “those” days. OK, it was a Debbie
Downer kind of day (apologies to anyone named Debbie). I was feeling really pitiful about
myself. I miss my job…really it wasn’t a
job. I miss the privilege I had of
serving the littlest ones of our church by being a part of our Children’s
Ministry staff. I miss the hugs around
my knees. I miss the high fives. I miss hearing “Ms Jana!” in those sweet
little voices. I miss holding tiny
babies. I miss their parents. I miss our wonderful volunteers. I miss my Wednesday night staff. I miss
being a part of our church staff. I miss
it all so much it hurts.
See? I told you it was very Debbie Downer-ish.
On top of that, we
are down to one car. So now that school
has started, unless I can work it out to borrow my Mom’s car, I’m pretty much
trapped here in our little apartment.
I’ve always been very independent, so not having the freedom to run to
the drugstore or wherever if I need to…even if I don’t…has been a huge
In the midst of all
that self-pity, here comes that conviction again. “Jana, thank Me for EVERYTHING.” Again, there I was with the questioning. “Everything , Lord? So You’re telling me I should be thankful
… having cancer?
… being in pain?
… having a wonky immune system?
… feeling guilty that because I can’t work we’re having
… not being able to get out & do things for myself?
… struggling helping out around the house?
… having trouble sleeping?
… missing my job?
… missing “my” little ones?
… missing my life before this all happened?"
His answer? A simple, “Yes.” It wasn’t, “Yes because…” or “Yes, I know
it’s hard, but…” Not even a, “Because I
said so, young lady. That’s why!” It was
simply a soft gentle, “Yes.”
Then He reinforced
that conviction through scripture I read the next day: ”Rejoice always, pray continually, give
thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians
So, here I am,
trying to remember to be thankful for all things in all circumstances. I’m not saying I’m 100% there, but I’m
trying. Thankfully the Lord knows how
painfully human I am and is infinitely patient with me.
Please know that
all of you who check on me & are lifting me up in prayer are a blessing to
me. Thank you!