Saturday, August 31, 2013

Monday, August 26, 2013

A post on my health, but mostly my life...

As far as my health goes, according to Dr. Shah at MD Anderson, my last bloodwork showed everything is “stable.”  All I could do was look at him & say, “Well, at least something about me is stable.”  So…there you go.  I have medical proof that I’m stable!  :)

As far as how I’m doing otherwise, over the last few weeks, God has been convicting me about being thankful…in everything.  Everything, Lord?  Everything?!?!   Hmmmmmm…I don’t know, Lord.  So I kind of pushed it to the side.

Recently, I had one of “those” days.  OK, it was a Debbie Downer kind of day (apologies to anyone named Debbie).  I was feeling really pitiful about myself.  I miss my job…really it wasn’t a job.  I miss the privilege I had of serving the littlest ones of our church by being a part of our Children’s Ministry staff.  I miss the hugs around my knees.   I miss the high fives.  I miss hearing “Ms Jana!” in those sweet little voices.  I miss holding tiny babies.  I miss their parents.  I miss our wonderful volunteers.  I miss my Wednesday night staff.   I miss being a part of our church staff.  I miss it all so much it hurts.

See?  I told you it was very Debbie Downer-ish.

On top of that, we are down to one car.  So now that school has started, unless I can work it out to borrow my Mom’s car, I’m pretty much trapped here in our little apartment.  I’ve always been very independent, so not having the freedom to run to the drugstore or wherever if I need to…even if I don’t…has been a huge adjustment.

In the midst of all that self-pity, here comes that conviction again.  “Jana, thank Me for EVERYTHING.”  Again, there I was with the questioning.  “Everything , Lord?  So You’re telling me I should be thankful for:

      …  having cancer?
        being in pain?
        having a wonky immune system?
        feeling guilty that because I can’t work we’re having financial struggles?
        not being able to get out & do things for myself?
        struggling helping out around the house?
        having trouble sleeping?
        missing my job?
        missing “my” little ones?
        missing my life before this all happened?"

His answer?  A simple, “Yes.”  It wasn’t, “Yes because…” or “Yes, I know it’s hard, but…”  Not even a, “Because I said so, young lady. That’s why!”  It was simply a soft gentle, “Yes.”

Then He reinforced that conviction through scripture I read the next day:  ”Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

So, here I am, trying to remember to be thankful for all things in all circumstances.  I’m not saying I’m 100% there, but I’m trying.  Thankfully the Lord knows how painfully human I am and is infinitely patient with me.

Please know that all of you who check on me & are lifting me up in prayer are a blessing to me.  Thank you!